Going to Jackson, MS wasn’t my idea of the ideal city to work in. But then, I never seem to get to go to “ideal” cities. Why can’t my clients be in San Francisco or NYC, damn it!
Jackson involved the most insane property I have ever laid eyes on. The owners were going to let the property go back to the bank (we are talking 400 apartments, here – millions of potential dollars). It was on the market for a while and several viable bids came in, but the owner was stubborn and did not want to take a loss on the property, even though it was his fault that no money was shelled to the property for capital improvements (improvements may not be the ideal word here – how about “maintenance”). So, being in absolute disrepair with every vendor in town that is owed money, nothing has been done on this property for ages! Not to mention, when I wanted to get a glimpse of this atrocity upon arrival, we had to hurry along so we weren't there after dark. Bad, bad, bad news! So he allows it to go into total chaos, won't take the money that it is really worth, only what he thinks it is worth and has over 100 vacant apartments. Hmmmm....no way out of this one, buddy!
Anyway, to delay this process of foreclosure, the owner decides to put the property into bankruptcy. One small booboo (of many big and small ones made regarding this property) – they included the utility company on their list of debtors. The management company had to get the attorney to file an injunction to remove the utility company, as they aren’t so keen to write off debt – they would have just shut off the water and electricity to the property. Well, that was far from free or cheap. hello! You have the money to pay the attorney for this, but no money to get the 3-ft high grass cut? Or to fill and maintain the swimming pools?
But come Friday, I found two great candidates for the job to run (a different) property in the area and one will be offered a job on Monday. Yay! I am really excited about the person they are going to hire!
Friday morning, Tam and I decide to head the airport early – sit in the hotel room or go get some lunch at the airport.
To my surprise, the guy at the ticket counter says, “want a direct flight?” Well hell yeah! My flight took me 1.5 hours in the wrong direction, with a layover – total travel time was almost 6 hours.
So he says, your flight is at 2:15. I have a flight in 45 minutes that is overbooked but not everyone has checked in. If it is overbooked, here is the seat surrender form you fill out, then we put you on another carrier that flies direct to Atlanta.
Sweet beans, I think. In my thousands of hours of air travel, this has never happened and I am a bit confused as to why it is happening….but then earlier in the week I flirted with a building inspector and to my surprise, got special exceptions to put banners and balloon at the street signage for 3 weeks (totally forbidden in this city; and I will stop there with the rest of the details on what was required to get the balloon exception).
Back at the airport - I ask Tam to take my over 3oz stuff (as I had no intention of carrying on my bag and there is no time to check it), but she has already checked her bag. She reminds that in the morning I looked for an earlier flight – even a different carrier if the cost was reasonable. She said tossing my over 3oz shit was the fee I would pay. Good point!
So here I think, maybe I am just overflowing with flirtness with guys and they want to accommodate my every whim. Fucking wrong!
I get to the gate and the ticket guy is the gate guy (small airport – says he also handles baggage off the planes when they land). He comes over to tell me that he is sorry, but not everyone checked in so there is room for me; I don’t get the direct flight.
No problem. I get home a couple hours early….so I ask, “Do you have me taken care of in Houston on the earlier connection flight?”
He says yes, it is in my packet thing. So I check my packet thing and damn if my final destination isn't Atlanta - but Cincinnati, OH. He has already started boarding the plane, so I approach from the other side and point out this little boo-boo. Only to realize my connecting boarding pass is for Carolyn Kalman. So I check the boarding pass out of Jackson, and sure as shit…..Carolyn again!
He stops boarding for a minute, comes to the computer and realizes this will be a bigger deal to fix than thought. Tells me to hang tight, he will board the passengers and fix me up! Sweet. I sit and think about the weirdness of someone with my last name, on a flight out of the same city. Another weirdness in Houston - I was sitting at the gate next to a girl named Chanda. I began to wonder if maybe my airplane was destined to crash - or something else of low probability would occur. Thoughts that occur to me on a really bad day, I suppose.
So, he issues me a standby ticket and says something along the lines of “funny, Carolyn has also boarded the plane” the real Carolyn. He needs to enter the boarding passes to see if I can get on the flight as standby – yup one ticket left. So I ask if he has me squared away in Houston to connect? “No time to do that now, the plane has to leave. I will take care of it while you are in the air. Just go to the departing board and find the first flight to ATL. Tell the counter person who you are and you will get a new boarding pass.”
Hesitantly, I agree and board the plane. And sit in the exit row...the row that you have to pay more money for but I get on standby. This fucker is going down for sure! (actually, I do realize that I got it b/c no dumb shit under 7' tall would pay more for the exit row on such a short flight).
I arrive in Houston and find the gate. The gate bitch (at this point there is no nice Chanda left) says, "no you are not in the system to be on this flight – if you want to go standby you need to pay a fee." She won’t budge.
So now I leave stinky Jackson to get stuck in stinky fucking Houston? I could have rented a car and gotten home sooner. Oh yeah, the whole flight to my front door was over 9 hours.
So Chanda bitch goes to find customer service. They inform me of the same policy. I ask, “did you not hear what I just said?” Your airline not only issued me a boarding pass under someone else’s name, but she was also able to check in under her name. Two boarding passes, one person. I did not ask to get an earlier flight, I was offered this earlier flight. You fucked up on so many levels, (bitch) you will get me on the flight to Atlanta at no additional cost.”
I had to remind her a third time of my scenario. I think her single –digit IQ finally got it; the security breach that went down. I got my ticket. But only to be delayed in Houston for over 3 hours and a series of phone calls and an exchange of voice mails that went wrong. Come to think of it, there were many wrong phone issues/calls during that week. I think Jackson is cursed! So if the recipient of my phones calls today is reading this...sorry. I didn't get to explain that I was grumpy and why....I would at least like to get to an understanding of thoughts and minds.
Anyway – I am amazed that TSA was so observant to notice that I had more than my allowed 1 quart clear plastic bags of liquids and gels – “only 1 ma’am. Only 1 bag per customer”. FUCK! Now I have throw even more shit out to get it to fit in my tiny little bag. I went to the store and replaced the items I had to toss - over $75. Bastards
But did the idiots notice that Chanda Kalman on the license did not match Carolyn Kalman on the boarding pass? Of course not, that would be too obvious.
That’s Jackson for ya’…..they can have their stinky hot ass city full of idiots!!!!
But I am home now with a new "first time" flight experience....glad it wasn't a first timer story of a failed engine.
