This is an essay by Evan Eisen at the back of a recent Time Magazine. 

What a hoot

Okay there are some cheesy parts but.....

I will take a look at just a couple of the news clips I heard yesterday-

Child Obesity was talked about (again) and balancing school diets and closing down soda vending machines during certain hours of the day.

But the dude who launched the “Got Milk?” campaign is hitting the streets again. His original plan was to install scratch and sniff cookies at bus stops across the country. Realizing that any sane person would not scratch OR sniff anything at a bus stop, the technology was revised to install air fresheners giving the distinct aroma of fresh baked cookies…..hoping you would then crave a glass of milk.

Pfizer’s new cholesterol drug that raises good cholesterol (the only of its kind) was found to cause “unexpected death and other complications”. I would imagine any complications you may have would be resolved in death. But hey, what do I know?

But our TV’s are filled with ads to grow hair and erections. But women who are or ever expect to get pregnant should not handle the drug due to known birth defects.

So I have come to the conclusion that children are expected to eat a balanced meal while adults taunt them by eating cookies and milk, blowing up like balloons.

Introducing the new American problem “Orpans. Is Obesity all that bad?” because mommy and daddy fell over dead in attempt to control the cholesterol brought on by eating too many cookies and milk.

But don’t mind that your new little brother has 7 eyes; he will adjust fine! Now, Doesn’t Daddy look so peaceful in his coffin with a full head of hair and a woody?

 

Update on the cookie shit at bus stops

First, let me say that I would make the worstest journalist on the planet!  I listen but cannot relay details....at ALL!  So, it was NOT air freshener but smelly adhesive.  It was not country-wide but in San Francisco.  And the tape was placed above pictures of milk (told you I suck at relaying information)

Anywho - complaints from various organizations (I won't get specific here.  The reason?  See paragraph above) but the campaign has been stopped.  All smell of cookies at bus stops in San Fran were pulled today.

I know you were all on the edge of your seats to see how this played out, so I couldn't resist putting my crappy reporting to work and keeping you well-informed 

 

While helping Marc and T get heliotrope together, I got some beforehand window shopping done (or would that be unpacking boxes shopping?).

Opening night, I knew where my "wish list" was displayed and gathered up my items in minutes.

One of those was this cute little chew toy for dogs that looks like a tongue....

 

It took Bruno a few days to adjust and it was abandonded during a pee trip outside.

He took the tongue with him but as soon as the juices flow, he can't concentrate on peeing and holding a toy so the toy gets dropped.  This happens daily, so mommy gathered up the weekly display of toys in the yard and Bruno finally accepted the tongue. 

If you have ever seen any movie about a Mastiff you know they like to EAT things.  No toy shall be considered done until it is destroyed and partly eaten.  Every 5 seconds or so I have to stop and tell him to drop the chewed up bit of rubber he is desperately trying to swallow before a human notices.

This gets old after a few minutes, so the toy goes up for a while (or a day or two).

Last week the toy was put up on the office bookshelf but has since been put up on the dryer, in the cabinet and any other location out of his reach at that moment.

Today he was determined the tongue was still on top of the bookcase.  We discussed that it was no longer there but he was not having it. He stared at the top of the bookshelf and whined.

He had to see for himself.  So Mommy pulled his sofa up so he could verify my words.  Of course, Maggie had to be witness

 I retrieve the tongue from the kitchen and a few minutes of attempting to eat more rubber, the tongue is again put up and Bruno takes advantage of the sofa for an afternoon snooze

I guy walks into a bar with an octopus in tow

He announces to the bar "I 'll bet every one of you mother fuckers $50 that my octopus can play any instrument you've got"

I guy from the band comes over and hands the octopus his guitar.

The octopus picks it up and plays some of the best blues rhythm known to man.

Damn - he hands over the $50

The next guy in the band brings over a trumpet.

The octopus picks it up and throws out some funky jazz licks like nodoby has heard

Damn - he hands over the $50

Next guy from the band brings over his bagpipes.

The octopus starts to rip the bagpipes to shred. Parts flying everywhere

"ahhh. So i see your octopus can't play bagpipes. You owe ME $50"

The octopus looks up and says, "play it? I plan on fucking it as soon as I figure out how to get it's pajamas off!"