This post is about to go where no post has gone before......
Recently I had to face some personal demons. Not the demons of my past (those are pretty much fluid these days) but the demons that walk around in human clothes and do human things. They just kept showing up around me in one form or another….nothing out of the ordinary, but I saw the daily stuff show its little red horns more clearly.
This invaded my space, my mind and most of all - my heart. As it turns out the real demon was heartbreak for injustices, lack of acceptance, inability to just be compassionate and let go of an ego, and the human need to change other humans.
Karma! Now, before you think I feel I was BAD and now I have demons, Karma is exactly the opposite. How Buddhists view karma I will leave for another rare occasion when I post religion or moral beliefs here
I read a lot of what the Dalai Lama has written in those weeks. His words seem to be the best connection to my Buddhist past that I can relate to; a sound marriage between Science and Eastern philosophy. What I would almost call a religious experience; but I don’t believe in religion so maybe we will call this another “awakening to my conscious existence”.
While negativity will always be around you, by finding peace in your heart, negativity (and demons) will not affect you in a negative way.
After many pages and many profound statements, I put this little tidbit in my shirt pocket and put Dalai up on the bookshelf. Well shit, ain’t this simple. So simple I seemed to put it in a shirt pocket I haven’t worn in a long time.
I have also watched some suffering and people trying to escape the suffering. I still hold a lot of Buddhist philosophy true to my heart and one of the things I was taught (ironically from someone who caused me most of my suffering) is that you have to embrace the bad to embrace the good. I have found that I have been saying that quite a bit lately. Apparently I was reminded of more than one tidbit that is part of Buddhism – actually human suffering is a BIG deal in Buddhism. And well it should be.
Yin and Yang. If one never saw a cloudy or rainy day, a sunny day becomes conventional. One can’t appreciate the sun unless one has seen the rain. Or if a preference is to clouds and rain, vise versa.
A close friend has always said, “have dreams…….” A good dream, without an occasional nightmare, is nothing more than walking in a tunnel. I, personally, prefer nightmares. They make you feel so fucking alive and breathing and screaming, what else is life? But no dream plain sucks.
Or “have good………” Not (necessarily) a good day, you may want to have a shitty day; or maybe you NEED a shitty day. But have good…..good something. And that something could be as small as a lady bug land on your shoulder on a shitty day. But if you were having a grand day, that little lady bug may have gone unnoticed. So have good something; small,large or other
Where in the hell is all of this going? Butch came over to the house tonight. He has been MIA since his house was torn down.
We drove to Heliotrope to say hi to Marc and Tommy (he was bummed they were not home and wanted his visit to the ‘hood to see all of his old pals) and on the way he asked what I was doing on Sunday. I took a deep breath and responded with, “I don’t know. Why?” (these open-ended questions usually turn into something he expects me to do for him). He said he wants to do my yard. But we just paid Bear to do our yard. “No, Bear and I want to REALLY do your yard” (like pull weeds and shit). He did not allow me to get a word out…..”this is your Christmas present. I want to do this for you.”
He proudly pulled out money from his pocket to buy gifts for his family and when I said I couldn’t drive him home, he was happy with the bus. He had his own money to pay the fare, he has put on weight and looks really good. He says what he likes about our relationship is honesty and the ability to say what we each are feeling (sometimes that comes to verbal blows but what the hell, communication is communication). I took that opportunity to ask if he is still smoking crack. He jumped around with his words and finally owned up….he was proud to pay off a big drug debt and is not smoking as much. His fingers were clean so I am happy this isn’t the usual face.
What onamontapia could be used for tears (other than boohoo)?
And what does one have to do with the other? Life has been rockin’ lately. I have embraced my demons and the great little shit just keeps happening.
I love you Rob but you I am still giggling over this whole thing
