I shall open with my first post on the Blue Stingy-E Machin-E -images from February 2006

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The benefits of the Blue Stringy-E Machin-E (the house next to ours)

• The loose strings from the tarp land in my yard and brighten my otherwise drab yard 
• the birds make some pretty sturdy nests with that stuff
• I get a better view of the neighborhood since I can see right through his house
• Always an interesting conversation piece for visiting friends 
• Slows vehicle traffic down on my street- as passerbyers always slow, stop and gawk. Kirkwood, you can keep your rich neighborhood speed humps!!
• Otherwise boring windy days, we get added sound effects from the tarp whipping around

 

Some of you know bits and pieces about Butch, could write a lenghthy book about Butch,

or you may just be wondering. 

I will keep it short.

He lived in the house up until about November 2005. No running water or gas since we moved in (2002) and no electricity for the last several months. Word on the street (not that word from his mouth would be any more reliable) it is going to an investment firm; trade- house to live in for 1 month, back taxes and fees paid, and a few thousand $. Sad, because had he not been so stuborn in the past years he could have gotten enough money to buy another (modest and out in the country) house. Good, the house may be torn down before it falls down and he didn't lose everything.

Then came the stripping (and selling) of siding for crack and whores.

What is desperation? When you house is falling down and looks like this?

 

NOPE!

It is when you strip the siding off of your (falling down) house and sell if for crack money and an afternoon of bliss with Crazy Ray's hookin' daughter

Then this summer we found a great new use for the Blue Stringy-E Machin-E.

After a Guiness or 2 on my front porch yesterday....and hours spent trying to get our freaking computers networked the way I want, I decided to review my crappy garden to see what is dead or what weeds have taken over.

I notice an unusual 3 dimensional brown spot in the yard.

Upon further investigation, I discover it is a very large and very dead chipmunk. The removal of dead things from our yard is always disturbing to me. Just the thought of a rotting, smelly, bug infested thing being there is bad enough but where in the hell do we dispose of it? Trash guys won't be here for a couple more days so I am NOT putting in the trash to further stink up the can. Don't want to leave it there. Don't want to just toss it in the alley.

A couple of us discussed the options for a few minutes and...... that’s how the concept of Edgewood Olympics was born.

Catapult the dead into the hole in Butch's roof.  Contestants would have to bring their own dead and construct their own catapults. Yes, I know that Monty Python has already catapulted dead animals -but that was over a castle wall. In the Edgewood Olympics, you see, participants will need to get the carcass into a hole in the roof.

This has vast possibilities! A successful launch and land into the falling down house could surprise any number of people who continue hang out in the house for the purpose of conducting (varying) illegal activities. For instance -

• Dead animal makes it through and a prostitute comes running out with any article of clothing missing - MAX POINTS
• Dead animal makes it through and someone runs out with crack pipe in hand - DECENT POINTS Dead animal makes it through and nobody comes out. But days later someone tells you about the weird experience of a dead animal falling through the roof while they were smoking crack in the house- MINIMAL POINTS (but a great conversation piece)
• Dead animal overshoots the target (hole) and lands in next door neighbor's yard. DO OVER
• Dead animal overshoots and takes a massive right turn and heads for Marc and Biggie T.'s house. This could go 2 ways. 1- If Marc is armed with his bottle rockets (Biggie may not be allowed to launch the bottle rockets since he holds them in his hand until critical moment) and successfully hits the dead animal throwing it off track and into Sid (Viscious') yard- game over. MARC IS CHAMPION 2-
• Marc and or Biggie have had a beer or two, they are sitting on their porch and they never see it coming until it lands....what am I talking about? They would be drinking beer and catapulting dead animals right along side of us

Now we must set a date - unfortunately I only see the inaugural games happening. I don't think the house will live long enough for a 1-year anniversary of the Edgewood Olympics.

Marc is already planning. Not sure if this is his team jersey or just a rough sketch of his trebuchet. We shall see. The Olympics may begin today!

But today I met the new owner. The house will be demolished next week and a brand spanking new high 300k house will be going on this piece of land and put up for sale. It has been 5 years that we have watched this house fall to pieces and said, "just one ice storm and that puppy is a goner!" But ice storms came and went, hurricanes came and went.....but this little Blue Stringy-E Machin-E turned out to be the little engine that could! I will be in the Bayou of Louisiana when the demolition happens so I will salute you and say my goodbyes a little early.

891 pages of ecomomic data on Charlotte, NC.

Mind you, this offers a (30-minute) PDF download, a CD and full-color bound book.

$$What a deal$$

The next few days before heading to the Bayou of Louisiana (I will bring my camera on this trip),

 

I will be thumbing through these 891 pages and deciphering what is REALLY important. Then recompiling the important stuff into a  4 or 5 page summary - complete with pretty borders, pictures and whatever else I can add that says,

"I look good. I smell good. I must be good."

Once Charlotte is done I only have Winston/Salem, Raleigh and Indianapolis left to do.

Can you tell I am procrastinating?

Maybe my kitchen needs another coat of paint

 

Fall cleaning time. I like to do the Spring and Fall thing....one room every couple of days.

Yesterday I decided it was kitchen time. Oven, fridge, empty cabinets...the whole nine yards!

Of course without fail, I always decide to bake with a clean oven. And let me tell you...I suck at baking. Cooking I got down....you can substitute, play, smell, add and take away without really having to follow directions (which is something else I suck at - following directions). So baking does require some sense of exactness. Bread puddin' it was this time. So do I follow the 9x13" pan instructions? Hell no! I decide smaller ain't so bad. "PLOP" goes big goo of sugary bread onto the oven bottom.

But I digress

So in my cleaning frenzy, about half way through the cabinets I conclude that the white just doesn't seem to be achieving the whiteness I like. I push the contents of the cupboards and cleaning supplies aside and out comes PAINT!

Halfway through painting I realize the caulk around the sink is a little yellow so I push aside the paint can (and nestle it neatly between the semi-sweet chocolate chips and the cans of tomatoe sauce), wrap the brush in plastic and out comes the razor to scrape and a caulking gun.

Now that the trim is painted, the moulding and ceiling need some love. I place the caulking gun on top of some soup cans and the razor inside the mircrowave - the only free space left (note to self: remember to take razor out of microwave before using). So out comes the roller and roller pan - after a sweet talk to Rob that our ceiling paint seems a little old and, "would you be a dear and run to Lowes?"

Too tired to finish last night, I decide today will be the completion of my adventure. I rub my eyes and dig through the crap to find the coffee maker and get to work early this morning. But here I sit in front of my computer, paint on my forehead and in my hair, caulk under my nails, and a kitchen that is in chaos.

I can only open a file on the drive and reminisce about what our kitchen looked like only 48 hours ago. I think Pizza Hut is making dinner tonight

Nuttin' much happening around here. Did my quarterly tax crap today, going grocery shopping in a bit, might wash the car.

Bet you wish we you were me today, don't ya?

I suppose the only bout of excitement was Thursday. Damn bridge jumpers in Atlanta. Is this the only city or do you get them too?

The bastards that threaten to jump off an overpass onto the highway during rush hour. Please plan your suicide attempts between the hours of 11:00 am and 3:30 pm weekdays, no time constraints on weekends.

This is the 4th or 5th jumper in a 12-month period....and we shan't forget the crane jumper that made national news last year. People were down below (downtown streets closed for several days while this ass sat atop the crane) began chanting, "jump, jump, jump."

Thursday's jumper caused the close of I-85 at the Brookwood split (75 and 85 become 1 highway in town and then split into two - the North split is the Brookwood). Now this is a city of 4.7 million with a shitload of commuters and a highway of 8 lanes each direction. 5 lanes split to I-85 and 3 to I-75. 5 lanes trying to merge into the remaining 3....it reminded me of driving in NYC.

Southerner's ain't so nice when they get stuck in traffic

I call my client to tell them my dilema and will arrive at their office as soon as possible.

"No problem", I hear. "One of the properties just called and the grounds person just about compacted a dead body in the dumpster so no hurry, we will be dealing with this for a bit."

Later in the day I hear about the last body found on the property. "what?" This is the second body in a month? YUP. Last one was shot in the head, drug onto the property and propped up (standing) against a washer in the common laundry area.

Since the media LOVES to blast the apartment signs on the news I recommended sewing a couple of sheets together so they could throw it over the entrance sign for such occasions. They piped in that it may not be a bad idea to stencil a new property name on the sheet -"hidden bodies apartments" or "dead pointe place apartments"

Guess I can't bitch about the slow moving weekend

We are about to get hit with a nice little storm. Sky is eerily dark with a hue of purple and a nice contrast of green trees below.

Wind is blowing and the sound of the gods bowling is getting closer.


Dang, I can never find those golf clubs when it REALLY matters.

We live right at the dot in the middle of the city