NEW YORK -- A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement.

He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. "Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzales said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.

They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'."

When asked to comment on the arrest, George W. Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."

Aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President.

Three phone calls this morning and they still say my house is not where I say it is.

Okay, so my next door neighbor's house may not be there for long but my house is standing.

I even got on mapquest and gave the driver turn-by-turn directions, described the color of our house and the cars parked on the street around us. What the hell is that all about?

I just want my damn bird food (or maybe the pictures Doug sent) and rain catchers, PLEASE Mr. FedEx

Oh yeah my rain catchers. Thank you for the idea Doug. I am not quite as motivated as you to make my own, but soon I will be catching and holding 120 gallons of rain water to wash my dogs and water my plants. Georgia - go ahead, bring on the watering bans!



One step closer to growing my own food and moving into a tee-pee

And hey, they could even double as a sign of homeland security preparedness. Now if I could just find where I put my duct tape and painters plastic I will be all set.

Captain Morgan DOES laugh like Santa Claus

Mrs. Morgan drives with her eyes closed but assures me that she does it all the time and this is quite safe

Mrs. Morgan likes to exceed the speed limit. But she continued to assure that sight is over-rated! The bridges are much more scary than vision

Mrs. Morgan used to bowl on the weekends....maybe she still does

Mrs. Morgan pronounces her name WAY different than I thought it would be. Maybe just cluelessness on my part, though

Mr. Morgan agrees (with me) that heroin is (probably) less addictive than ciggies since you can smoke ciggies in public and still function. Although he used Rum as his drug of explanation. Still, any smoker knows!

As far as I know, Mr. Morgan has not played any pranks on me. Although I do wonder what the fedex package in "Exception" status contains .

Thanks to both of you.....it was great to chat!

So I own a dentist chair with patents listing from 1903 to 1910- it makes for a great reading chair, though. Just need to get the upholstery done - red velvet is the goal



I have a shuffleboard set from the 50's.....you just never know when a flat smooth surface will just beg for a game of shuffleboard with your friends



When purchasing my antique wheelchair (the first model to fully collapse, mind you). I found the 2-headed alien thing and carried him around like a baby in my arms. The store owner thought we belonged together and he couldn't imagine selling him...so have gave him to me. And yes, those are minks around his neck. I am an avid mink recycler. I own probably 10 or more coats with mink collars and several of the stoles with hinged jaws to secure the stole around you. All of them bought at thrift stores or antique stores - I couldn't buy new. Just recycled.


A recent celebration dinner brought us through an antique store on the way to the car. Perfect painting for our dining room!



I have a pocket sundial, 1920's opium pipe, nekked lady post cards from the 20's decorating the bathroom and an avocado green rotary phone that I use often. I love to dial with that thing! There are many other odd collections 'round the house.

Now Rob's collecting is a bit different. Sports! Sports! He does have a really cool stamp collection. Mostly Hungarian stamps. He has a few coins. But my fav's are the football jersey's and hockey pics and pucks.







But what in the hell was he thinking when decided to start collecting cards?! Gulf War series (and the full series, too)



And "All My Children" and "Twin Peaks" trading cards? Good news he tells me, "the Twin Peaks are worth more than the soap opera ones"

For those out in Colorado and New York and every other place you have scattered about the country and world......all of my friends have met the Cele bird at one time or another over the last 18 years.

Cele passed away at 18 years of age last month. Luckily there wasn't a tragedy involved (she survived all of those) and she passed away while sleeping in her food dish - typical Cele.

Here is the most recent picture of the little gal with the Nikster. Cele now sits next to Ndege in a nice little urn in the bird room.

And for those of you who hadn't seen Cele in a few years, the little gal sure did slim up nicely, huh? We had to quit singing "fatty-cele-2x4-don't how you can fit through your cage door" a few years ago.